First post OH BOY

Ok, so I made this account entirely for the nefarious purpose of being able to read the fanfiction of one of my favorite fanfic authors. I didn't have a handy LJ or anything to prove my authenticity... so I figured I'd make a journal from scratch and post a bunch of entries and maybe that would do the trick!

Anyways, right now what I want to talk to you about is this tea I recently discovered.

Oh holy fucking god this tea is amazing.

There's this little shop like twenty minutes away called Lupicia, and they sell fancy-shmancy teas from Japan, even though no one behind the counter is Japanese (instead it's an elderly well-dressed dapper gentleman and this kind-looking girl with glasses in her late twenties). My sister introduced me to them because suddenly instead of making her tea with teabags she began making it with this silly-looking strainer and I tried some and it was strawberry black tea, what the hell. It was delicious too, which is even weirder. She'd gone a little nuts when she found the shop and bought a bunch of teas, actually, so we have Champagne Rose (I don't know what's so champagne about it but I guess the name sounded cool), Afternoon Tea, and Au Lait. But my real discovery was Momo Oolong, which is oolong tea with peaches and stuff. My sister bought some to try and hated it, so I tried some to see what upset her so much and oh my god.

Well.

The reason I'm talking about it is because I'm drinking some right now so there. I couldn't think of what else to talk about so I talked about what's in my mouth. There's also a tongue and some teeth and also this really small alligator but I pretend the alligator doesn't exist so I couldn't exactly talk about it, otherwise I'd have to admit its presence in between my gums and be forced to DO something about it. Like, give it a name. Albert McFrosterberry, perhaps? No. ALBERTUS McFrosterberry the THIRD! Yes, yes, I like this already.

Why does my wardrobe consist of so many stripes? What is it about stripes that really appeals to me? Perhaps it's because it reminds me of bees. I like bees. I liked to pretend I was a bee when I was little. I'd run around going CHUCKCHUCKCHUCKCHUCK before for some reason I thought bees made that noise instead of, you know, buzzing, and then when I'd find someone, I'd run up to them and go STINGGG and bite them really hard.

That is how I got kicked out of my first two kindergartens, by the way, till I figured out that biting people is not like biting into a sandwich, it is not delicious and digestible, and actually, the person will scream and might even hit you and there are bad consequences, none of which occur if it is a sandwich you are sinking your teeth into.

This was a very important lesson for me to learn.

One of my friends keeps trying to get me to read books he likes and I think that our tastes just do not match enough for it to be a good idea. He's really into nitty-gritty detective novels spliced with sci-fi and fantasy and, like, circus freaks. Yeah. The problem is that the nitty-gritty isn't even real nitty-gritty. It's that 'oh look at me, I am so dark and edgy! Oooooh!' nitty-gritty style that can really get on my nerves when it's not done well, which half the time it just isn't. It's like those TV shows that introduce a throwaway villain and try to demonstrate to you that the villain is PURE EVIL by having them randomly waste an extra for no real reason. All that this demonstrates, really, is that the villain is like one of those incontinent chihuahuas who can't help peeing everywhere, except, instead of peeing, they stab extras. It's not exactly threatening. It's more like a disorder. Homicidal tourettes, perhaps? It doesn't really do a thing to develop their character or make them in any way interesting or threatening - all it does is let us know 'okay, this person will randomly kill bystanders while making a prissy annoyed face that is supposed to look Very Evil but instead looks like Paris Hilton irritated that her food is coming a little late', which is useful to know, I'm sure, but not exactly INTERESTING.

Like, take Firefly as an example. As much as I like the show, I really cannot stand those blue-gloved men who are supposed to be so very threatening but are really just two walking cardboard cut-outs of "OH NO THEY'RE GONNA KILL YOU IF YOU GET TOO CLOSE" I mean honestly, you could just have let loose a tiger on the set and there would have been more drama and character development. Hell, what they should have done is brought in Barbara Streisand and paid her a shit-ton of money to play herself as a futuristic assassin whose preferred method of murder is to slap her victim to death. This isn't meant to bash Barbara Streisand, by the way - I really enjoy her in Hello Dolly and just think that having her randomly waltz onto the screen in the middle of a Firefly episode would be the most hilarious awesome thing ever. But yes, picture that rewrite. Mmmm. I can see it already. River muttering crazy-talk under her breath, Simon hyperventilating and trying to save her life...

"Two by two, woman in blue, two by two...!!"

"Look out River! It's Barbara Streisand! And oh my god she's wearing an aquamarine Dior gown that is simply faaaabulous! Run for your lives!"

Cue a chase scene where Barbara Streisand pursues them while standing on a bright yellow Segway, her blue Dior gown fluttering in the wind as River and Simon skip and hop away in bladder-releasing terror.

You know what's pretty awesome? MY NOSE MUSCLES OH MAN SO MUSCLEY when I flex my nose, a little bicep-bump-thing appears on its bridge and oh boy is it sexy. With this nose, I can seduce any butterfly or ladybug I want! They cannot resist my nasal charm, HOO-HAH. Perhaps I should lay off the peach oolong. I don't think there's an enormous amount of caffeine in oolong tea, but at the rate I've been drinking it, it's probably too much for my delicate system to handle. Anyways, I'm going to bed now, and tomorrow I will make another post, continuing to prove my identity and personality as the authentic goods!

Fondly,
Bumbilton Ericka Froomp

The Delicious Sorts of Fruits

Fruits I find especially delicious include things like starfruit, raspberries, tangerines, and peaches. I delight in quality strawberries, grapes, and watermelons, but watery or wrinkly old gross strawberries and grapes and watermelons make me cry. I'm not so much a fan of apples, though everyone else seems to love them... I like bananas fine! And I forget that avocados count as a fruit because you put them in vegetable salads, but I like those too and will eat them sometimes with a spoon like ice-cream.

I am an insomniac and often lie awake in my bed for several hours before managing to doze off, even if I'm exhausted when I slip in between the covers. While lying there staring at the ceiling, my mind has plenty of room to wander, so last night, the thing I was thinking about before managing to fall asleep was:

I don't really want to live in New York City because it's so damn expensive and the living situation is really just kind of unpleasant for beginners, but alas, it's where a lot of the jobs I'd want are at!"

See, I'm considering my career options once I graduate, and one likely option is that I'll end up being the lowliest of assistants at a big-name publishing house. NOT because I want to work at one - in fact, as someone who writes fiction in their spare time, I really don't want to, because I worry that having to look at manuscripts in the slush pile all day will depress me and drain my creative energy - but because I'd still prefer being a slush-pile reader to, say, a cleaning lady. Those are my career options so far, I think. Hm. I guess I should add 'garbage collector' to that list...

So, as I was wondering a possible initial few years in NYC, I began thinking about the food situation, how I would simply not have any money for anything but the basic necessities, and that was when I recalled with dismay my fondness for things like boba tea and pinkberry smoothies and pretty much all sorts of expensive snacks that I guzzle with the greed of a not-very-gas-efficient car.

So then I began thinking, well! I can at least solve the pinkberry problem! They have a stamp card system, and if you get something like ten or twenty stamps on your card, you get a free smoothie or yogurt or whatnot! So all I'd have to do is walk into a pinkberry when it's not rush hour and I'm the only one there, cause some sort of diversion that makes all the employees not look at me for a moment (if there's only one employee, I could just order a smoothie, because they go into the back anyways to make those) and then swipe the stamper that stamps your pinkberry cards!

Then, I could just buy one pinkberry item, get a stamp card, stamp it at home, and go to a different location to get my free smoothie!

Unfortunately, the rest of my brain had a large number of problems with this, the least of which was 'you are stealing!' My main problem was: won't the staff get in trouble if their stamp goes missing? They'll be the ones who are blamed and possibly fired!

And that, alas, is simply not something I am willing to risk. I will not sacrifice the possible well-being of a hapless pinkberry employee just so that I can have a free smoothie!

What I ought to do is find a pinkberry employee - or, better yet, make one of my friends work at pinkberry so they can report their experiences to me. Because what if no one gets in that much trouble if the stamp goes missing? I'm sure they misplace them sometimes and also I'm sure I'm not the first to think of this idea. Hmmm. Once I found this blog online that was written by a former Target employee, who gave a very detailed summary of the most effective way to steal things from Target. Maybe there's a similar blog for pinkberry...

I'd feel a little bad stealing from pinkberry though. Target at least has all that political mush around it that you can use an excuse for feeling justified for stealing a pair of overpriced underwear or whatever bullshit. I kind of like pinkberry though, all the employees are always very nice to me! I don't want to steal from them... so I guess if I move to NYC after college, I'll have to resign myself to a pinkberry-less fate.

Or maybe my moral dilemma will magically resolve myself once I'm actually there and I'll find myself forging pinkberry stamp cards right and left. Who knows!

You know what's weird? Anise-flavored toothpaste. I bought some once. Big mistake. I won't ever do it again.