![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ENOY YOUR DESTRUCTION
Feb. 5th, 2011 11:36 pm"ENJOY YOUR DESTRUCTION!" screamed the hamster as it revved the chainsaw for one last, fatal time.
Hm. I can't decide what would be better: a serial-killer thriller movie where the murderer is a chainsaw-wielding hamster, or a hamster named ENJOY YOUR DESTRUCTION.
On one hand, you get a film where the psycho can be distracted from his diabolical rampage by nibbly treats and chewy toys. On the other hand, you get a hamster named ENJOY YOUR DESTRUCTION.
In fact, ENJOY YOUR DESTRUCTION shouldn't be a name restricted only to hamsters. All sorts of animals would benefit from being named ENJOY YOUR DESTRUCTION. Toucans, armadillos, pet snakes... "In recent news, a new species of rabbit has been discovered living in the attic of a renowned rabbit biologist, who has dubbed the new species Lagomorpha Enjoyyourdestructiona."
Or what about this scenario:
"For Show and Tell, I brought my baby brother! My mom named him ENJOY YOUR DESTRUCTION." At which point Lil Susie's brother opens his mouth and vomits a myriad of laser beams that end up incinerating the entire school. Lil Susie cackles over the burning wreckage while ENJOY YOUR DESTRUCTION toddles around in the corner, finally plonking down onto his diapered butt to suck his thumb.
GUESS WHAT I GOT?! I got a bunch of really big blue envelopes! Then I got a bunch of of medium-sized green envelopes! Also, I got some smallish red envelopes. Then I got some REALLY TINY ADORABLE orange envelopes. And finally... I got ridiculously tiny yellow scraps of paper.
Now, I can send off letters that are like those Russian dolls that fold into each other! You keep opening envelope after envelope till you get to the tiny letter on the inside, which might just say "Oh, hello," because there won't be room for anything else on the tiny little yellow papers.
But! You know what I could do? I could write on the envelopes themselves! So the message progresses further and further inside till you finally get to the tiny little yellow slip of paper, which might just say 'Sincerely, Ingletonn Moopwad' or whatever you name is, because you already wrote all you had to say on the backs of the previous three envelopes (I'm not counting the blue envelope that all the other envelopes come in, since it's the outer shell).
Either way, I am very excited to send people collapsible and colorful letters.
Some things are marvelous when they are small and fuzzy, like slippers, or pets. But not all things. Like, what about mothers? What would a small and fuzzy mother be like?
Would she nipple on strawberries and clear her ears with her paws?
Would she hop under the table when frightened and dig in the garden for treats?
Would she drink from a water bowl?
Or would she just be a small woman with a lot of body hair and possibly a little womanly mustache as well?
Hm.
Hm. I can't decide what would be better: a serial-killer thriller movie where the murderer is a chainsaw-wielding hamster, or a hamster named ENJOY YOUR DESTRUCTION.
On one hand, you get a film where the psycho can be distracted from his diabolical rampage by nibbly treats and chewy toys. On the other hand, you get a hamster named ENJOY YOUR DESTRUCTION.
In fact, ENJOY YOUR DESTRUCTION shouldn't be a name restricted only to hamsters. All sorts of animals would benefit from being named ENJOY YOUR DESTRUCTION. Toucans, armadillos, pet snakes... "In recent news, a new species of rabbit has been discovered living in the attic of a renowned rabbit biologist, who has dubbed the new species Lagomorpha Enjoyyourdestructiona."
Or what about this scenario:
"For Show and Tell, I brought my baby brother! My mom named him ENJOY YOUR DESTRUCTION." At which point Lil Susie's brother opens his mouth and vomits a myriad of laser beams that end up incinerating the entire school. Lil Susie cackles over the burning wreckage while ENJOY YOUR DESTRUCTION toddles around in the corner, finally plonking down onto his diapered butt to suck his thumb.
GUESS WHAT I GOT?! I got a bunch of really big blue envelopes! Then I got a bunch of of medium-sized green envelopes! Also, I got some smallish red envelopes. Then I got some REALLY TINY ADORABLE orange envelopes. And finally... I got ridiculously tiny yellow scraps of paper.
Now, I can send off letters that are like those Russian dolls that fold into each other! You keep opening envelope after envelope till you get to the tiny letter on the inside, which might just say "Oh, hello," because there won't be room for anything else on the tiny little yellow papers.
But! You know what I could do? I could write on the envelopes themselves! So the message progresses further and further inside till you finally get to the tiny little yellow slip of paper, which might just say 'Sincerely, Ingletonn Moopwad' or whatever you name is, because you already wrote all you had to say on the backs of the previous three envelopes (I'm not counting the blue envelope that all the other envelopes come in, since it's the outer shell).
Either way, I am very excited to send people collapsible and colorful letters.
Some things are marvelous when they are small and fuzzy, like slippers, or pets. But not all things. Like, what about mothers? What would a small and fuzzy mother be like?
Would she nipple on strawberries and clear her ears with her paws?
Would she hop under the table when frightened and dig in the garden for treats?
Would she drink from a water bowl?
Or would she just be a small woman with a lot of body hair and possibly a little womanly mustache as well?
Hm.
