Woooo crazy weekend!
Jan. 30th, 2011 04:06 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dibbytealWooooo I just had a crazy weekend! I ate drank TWO thai iced teas! I also had a fancy and overpriced crepe from this very high-class crepe shop where, for some reason, they made the employees wear berets and I think they had to speak in French accents as part of their job, because their accents were really obviously fake and they kept dropping the accents by accident every now and then. It was an interesting experience. The crepe was very good, though, despite the oddly accented workers.
Hotel ballrooms are pretty awesome. Something I really like to do is wander into a hotel ballroom that is all laid out for a big party or wedding or something, all the tables with the silverware on the sides and this big space in the middle for dancing and a huge arched ceiling with a ridiculously overwrought chandelier, and no one is there, and you're not supposed to be there either... But being me, I sneak in anyway, and hopefully the lights aren't turned on yet, because then it feels extra ghostly and dream-like to waltz by myself with an imaginary partner while the empty tables watch and the glasses gleam if I dip my head at the right angle, like they're winking at me.
Canvas shoes are pretty comfortable. But not if they're old and smelly. Then they are no longer so comfortable. Well, not to imply that old equates smelly, because if you take good care of your canvas shoes, then their chances of being smelly too are not as high. I used to wear the same pair of shoes each day and every eight months or less I'd have to buy a new pair because my shoes would be worn to old smelly bits and were just no longer even working properly as shoes half the time, all scuffed up like I'd attacked them with a saw, and beginning to fall apart in places. Then I discovered the wonder of having TWO pairs of shoes at once! I could alternate between what shoes I wear each day, and thus have shoes that last twice as long! But actually, the shoes last even more than twice as long, for some reason, because I noticed that my shoes tend to wear out faster if I wear them constantly - I don't know if this is actually an illusion and perhaps scientific research would prove me wrong, but oh well, it's not that important.
BUT THEN I REALIZED THAT HAVING THREE PAIRS OF SHOES AT ONCE IS EVEN MORE AWESOME luckily my amazing realization stopped at three pairs of shoes and I have not followed the trend of my sister, who owns around sixty pairs, or the trend of her husband, who used to own nearly two hundred pairs of Nikes, many of them extremely fancy rare high-end Nikes which he later sold on e-bay for hefty prices in order to help finance their move from an apartment to a house.
Acne medications are the weirdest things. None of them really work that well, has anyone noticed? I mean, I've heard that the oral medications can work, but those are the crazy antibiotics that totally fuck with your system and are supposed to be really bad for you and can have awful side effects. Meanwhile there's a whole parade of topical skin medications that are supposed to make your skin as smooth as an apricot or something, but really, all they do is dry out your face and, in the process, dry out existing pimples. They don't stop new pimples from forming or really do a very quick job on existing pimples either. It's kind of dumb. I think the French had the best acne cure YES THE GUILLOTINE acne does not bother your face if you do not have a head HA HA! You know what else the French invented? Boobs! That is why my breasts have little Dali-esque mustaches, one for each nipple. It is because they are inherently French. Just so you know.
Once for a Crafts class I made an Hercule Poirot egg. I poked tiny holes in the top and bottom of the egg, blew out the insides into a bowl and washed it with water and let it dry, and then made little clay feet for it and a giant mustache and drew on a face. For those of you who are fans of Agatha Christie, you will be familiar with her famous Belgian mustachio'd detective, Hercule Poirot, who is often described as having an egg-shaped head. HA HA take that.
When people are sleeping, I like to take their lips with my fingers and make them move up and down like they're talking in their sleep and then I say things in funny voices as if they're my puppets, things like 'Oh goodness, it seems I've spilled the lemon juice aagaaaaaain, quick, fetch the dog! He'll lick it up right away, oh won't he, my precious little puppy, he just loooves lemon juice, goodness!' or things like 'I wear penguins on my head OH MAN I wear penguins on my head, they ask me no questions and I tell them no lies, I also wear seals on my head sometimes but usually they're too large and they fall off'.
For some reason my friends never invite me to sleepovers anymore.
CELERY IS SO FUCKING AMAZING did you know celery can make farting noises if you crunch it right? Or wait, no, that's just me, I make farting noises with my mouth in between bites of celery because it's much more lively that way. For carrots, I moo. Radishes merit small squeaks, and when I eat sprigs of parsley off my plate in restaurants, I yodel for a few seconds, just to let the kitchen staff know how much I appreciate the sprig of parsley that they kindly placed on my plate.
A sad thing about my weekend: I had a very nice bottle of super-awesome-seeming dessert wine that I was going to try with a friend, and I was so excited to drink super sweet and delicious wine with them AND THEN we had no corkscrew, and trying to open the cork with his room key, and then with a giant knife, did not yield any results. I am considering drinking the wine by myself but I don't really want to, I like to share my liquor with friends while having high-ended philosophical discussions about things like which Harry Potter movie was the best and how non-Western cultures are represented in most modern fantasy novels and so on. You know, things you can get really worked up about while having a lot of fun too, wine is good for those moments. Oh, and for watching movies with those same friends at one in the morning, that's pretty fun too. I'm glad I found a good use for alcohol besides cleaning wounds, I don't really enjoy getting drunk but getting a little tipsy with the right people can be a lot of fun since the conversation tends to start flowing in good, hilarious ways.
Today I was at a fish pond and I kept sticking my hands into the fish pond, trying to snatch one of the large koi out of the pond, but all I kept managing to get was just one hand around their body or tail before they jerked out of my grasp as fast as they could. I kept hoping to get both my hands around one of the koi so that I could lift it out of the water, wink at it, maybe even give it a slimy wet fishy kiss on its forehead, and then toss it back... But alas, it was not to be.
The color of my underwear today is pale gray.
Hotel ballrooms are pretty awesome. Something I really like to do is wander into a hotel ballroom that is all laid out for a big party or wedding or something, all the tables with the silverware on the sides and this big space in the middle for dancing and a huge arched ceiling with a ridiculously overwrought chandelier, and no one is there, and you're not supposed to be there either... But being me, I sneak in anyway, and hopefully the lights aren't turned on yet, because then it feels extra ghostly and dream-like to waltz by myself with an imaginary partner while the empty tables watch and the glasses gleam if I dip my head at the right angle, like they're winking at me.
Canvas shoes are pretty comfortable. But not if they're old and smelly. Then they are no longer so comfortable. Well, not to imply that old equates smelly, because if you take good care of your canvas shoes, then their chances of being smelly too are not as high. I used to wear the same pair of shoes each day and every eight months or less I'd have to buy a new pair because my shoes would be worn to old smelly bits and were just no longer even working properly as shoes half the time, all scuffed up like I'd attacked them with a saw, and beginning to fall apart in places. Then I discovered the wonder of having TWO pairs of shoes at once! I could alternate between what shoes I wear each day, and thus have shoes that last twice as long! But actually, the shoes last even more than twice as long, for some reason, because I noticed that my shoes tend to wear out faster if I wear them constantly - I don't know if this is actually an illusion and perhaps scientific research would prove me wrong, but oh well, it's not that important.
BUT THEN I REALIZED THAT HAVING THREE PAIRS OF SHOES AT ONCE IS EVEN MORE AWESOME luckily my amazing realization stopped at three pairs of shoes and I have not followed the trend of my sister, who owns around sixty pairs, or the trend of her husband, who used to own nearly two hundred pairs of Nikes, many of them extremely fancy rare high-end Nikes which he later sold on e-bay for hefty prices in order to help finance their move from an apartment to a house.
Acne medications are the weirdest things. None of them really work that well, has anyone noticed? I mean, I've heard that the oral medications can work, but those are the crazy antibiotics that totally fuck with your system and are supposed to be really bad for you and can have awful side effects. Meanwhile there's a whole parade of topical skin medications that are supposed to make your skin as smooth as an apricot or something, but really, all they do is dry out your face and, in the process, dry out existing pimples. They don't stop new pimples from forming or really do a very quick job on existing pimples either. It's kind of dumb. I think the French had the best acne cure YES THE GUILLOTINE acne does not bother your face if you do not have a head HA HA! You know what else the French invented? Boobs! That is why my breasts have little Dali-esque mustaches, one for each nipple. It is because they are inherently French. Just so you know.
Once for a Crafts class I made an Hercule Poirot egg. I poked tiny holes in the top and bottom of the egg, blew out the insides into a bowl and washed it with water and let it dry, and then made little clay feet for it and a giant mustache and drew on a face. For those of you who are fans of Agatha Christie, you will be familiar with her famous Belgian mustachio'd detective, Hercule Poirot, who is often described as having an egg-shaped head. HA HA take that.
When people are sleeping, I like to take their lips with my fingers and make them move up and down like they're talking in their sleep and then I say things in funny voices as if they're my puppets, things like 'Oh goodness, it seems I've spilled the lemon juice aagaaaaaain, quick, fetch the dog! He'll lick it up right away, oh won't he, my precious little puppy, he just loooves lemon juice, goodness!' or things like 'I wear penguins on my head OH MAN I wear penguins on my head, they ask me no questions and I tell them no lies, I also wear seals on my head sometimes but usually they're too large and they fall off'.
For some reason my friends never invite me to sleepovers anymore.
CELERY IS SO FUCKING AMAZING did you know celery can make farting noises if you crunch it right? Or wait, no, that's just me, I make farting noises with my mouth in between bites of celery because it's much more lively that way. For carrots, I moo. Radishes merit small squeaks, and when I eat sprigs of parsley off my plate in restaurants, I yodel for a few seconds, just to let the kitchen staff know how much I appreciate the sprig of parsley that they kindly placed on my plate.
A sad thing about my weekend: I had a very nice bottle of super-awesome-seeming dessert wine that I was going to try with a friend, and I was so excited to drink super sweet and delicious wine with them AND THEN we had no corkscrew, and trying to open the cork with his room key, and then with a giant knife, did not yield any results. I am considering drinking the wine by myself but I don't really want to, I like to share my liquor with friends while having high-ended philosophical discussions about things like which Harry Potter movie was the best and how non-Western cultures are represented in most modern fantasy novels and so on. You know, things you can get really worked up about while having a lot of fun too, wine is good for those moments. Oh, and for watching movies with those same friends at one in the morning, that's pretty fun too. I'm glad I found a good use for alcohol besides cleaning wounds, I don't really enjoy getting drunk but getting a little tipsy with the right people can be a lot of fun since the conversation tends to start flowing in good, hilarious ways.
Today I was at a fish pond and I kept sticking my hands into the fish pond, trying to snatch one of the large koi out of the pond, but all I kept managing to get was just one hand around their body or tail before they jerked out of my grasp as fast as they could. I kept hoping to get both my hands around one of the koi so that I could lift it out of the water, wink at it, maybe even give it a slimy wet fishy kiss on its forehead, and then toss it back... But alas, it was not to be.
The color of my underwear today is pale gray.
